Satan
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Post by Satan on Oct 22, 2003 1:04:27 GMT -5
Life is like a waterfall It starts way up high Elevated above the clouds A castle in the sky
The air is fresh And the soul is clean The water's cool One's in a dream
As one reaches the edge One unavoidably looks down Miles above the Earth One cannot see the ground
Off the cliff one must fall Straight down by force of gravity Flying through the tasteless air One hits the ground with much calamity
Yet eventually there is calm One is gone forever As memories fade Life is good...never....never
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Post by Post Number on Oct 22, 2003 1:20:25 GMT -5
bugger, one line annoys me....
"One is gone forever"
i think gone and forever should be switched should read 'One is forever gone'
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Satan
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Post by Satan on Oct 22, 2003 1:20:46 GMT -5
I highly encourage people to interpret art by themselves. But if one is utterly clueless about my poem, i shall give a brief analysis.
*SPOILERS*
The first stanza represents birth as one is born out of a castle in the sky a.k.a Heaven.
The second stanza represents early childhood when one is completely innocent, when life is a blissful dream.
Looking down represents early adolecence when things start to look not so perfect, when one realizes the flaws of life.
At that point the fall represents the future and as you cannot see the future very clearly as a young adolecent, the ground is not visible.
The fall itself in Stanza 4 is all of adult life. The force of gravity represents society as it puts people into social classes that they cannot get out of, much like one cannot escape gravity. The air being tasteless represents the repetion of going to work everyday and utter boredom. Hitting the ground represents death. That is the one time when there is actual calamity.
Stanza 5 is post-death. The calamity dies down and people reassume their repetitive roles. One is forgotten. At that point, if one was able to reflect back on life, one would see how much it sucked.
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Satan
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Post by Satan on Oct 22, 2003 1:22:09 GMT -5
greylight:
i thought about that too
but what rhymes with "gone" that could serve as a good final line?
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Post by Post Number on Oct 22, 2003 1:31:59 GMT -5
'Yet eventually there is peace One's life is forever gone As memories are fading Life was good...everything so calm'
I shouldnt have changed it...
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Post by xXSiNiStEr_MiXeRXx on Oct 22, 2003 1:35:15 GMT -5
Yet eventually there is calm One is gone forever As memories fade Life is good...never....never
other possibilities: there breaks another dawn... others are born anon... hi my name is ron... j/k
just other possible rhyming words but hey its ur poem
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K
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Post by K on Oct 22, 2003 1:37:53 GMT -5
damn Satan that was really deep and dark
little too pessimistic for my tastes but written very well
its metaphors are very nice
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Satan
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Post by Satan on Oct 22, 2003 1:41:58 GMT -5
Sinister:
that could be a possibility for an ending but it would ruin the mood
this poem is supposed to be cynical
if i were to talk about rebirth or others being born to replace the ones who are gone then it could be one of two things
1. too hopeful or my personal favorite 2. too sarcastic--talking bout rebirth just to fall down the waterfall over and over
now THAT is dark
actually thats not a bad idea but i think it would work best if i used it as another verse instead of as a replacement for my last stanza
oh and thnx K
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Satan
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Post by Satan on Oct 22, 2003 1:45:45 GMT -5
Life is like a waterfall It starts way up high Elevated above the clouds A castle in the sky
The air is fresh And the soul is clean The water's cool One's in a dream
As one reaches the edge One unavoidably looks down Miles above the Earth One cannot see the ground
Off the cliff one must fall Straight down by force of gravity Flying through the tasteless air One hits the ground with much calamity
Yet eventually there is calm One is gone forever As memories fade Life is good...never....never
Now there's only darkness and void Yet there breaks another dawn To continue this meaningless cycle As others are born anon
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Post by xXSiNiStEr_MiXeRXx on Oct 22, 2003 2:01:58 GMT -5
good stuff, nice incorporation
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